Article Archive
Browse our complete collection of satirical tech articles
OpenAI's Servers Crying for Mercy: Sam Altman Announces Delays as ChatGPT Users Flood In
In a shocking turn of events that absolutely nobody saw coming, OpenAI CEO Sam Altman has announced that the company's servers are currently more overwhelmed than a single toilet at a music festiva...
Qualcomm Buys Vietnamese AI Startup's 'Magic 8-Ball' Division for Who Even Knows How Much
In a move that has left everyone scratching their heads but not enough to actually look it up, Qualcomm has acquired the generative AI division of VinAI, a Vietnamese startup that ...
Tinder's AI Now Judges Your Flirting Skills Because Humans Apparently Can't
In a move that surprises absolutely no one, Tinder has decided that human judgment is so last century and has rolled out an AI-powered game to assess your...
Runway's Gen-4 AI: Now Creating Videos So Real, You'll Question Your Entire Existence
In a groundbreaking announcement that has left filmmakers crying into their scripts, Runway has unveiled Gen-4, their latest AI video-generating model. This isn't just any...
NordVPN's Threat Protection Pro™: Because Who Needs a Dedicated Antivirus Anymore?
In a bold move to simplify your cybersecurity shopping list, NordVPN introduces Threat Protection Pro™—a feature that not only encrypts your data but also scans your downloads for malware, blocks m...
ChatGPT: The AI That's Probably Smarter Than Your Dog (And Maybe You)
In a world where your toaster can judge your life choices, ChatGPT has emerged as the supreme overlord of artificial intelligence, or at least that's what it wants you to think. Si...
Manus AI: Now You Can Pay to Have Your Life Automated (Because Doing Things is So 2010)
In a groundbreaking move that has left millions wondering why they didn't think of it first, Manus AI has announced its new subscription plans. For the low, low price of $39 a mont...
AI Models: Because Humans Are Too Last Century
In a world where asking Siri to set a timer is considered a peak human achievement, AI models are here to remind us just how inadequate we really are. Confused about which AI model to use?<...
Hurry! Only 48 Hours Left to Sell Your Soul (I Mean, Secure Your Pass) for TechCrunch All Stage
In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming, TechCrunch has announced that time is running out to secure your precious founder or investor pass for thei...
NordVPN: Because Who Doesn't Love Adding Extra Layers to Their Already Complicated Digital Lives?
In a world where your refrigerator might be spying on you, NordVPN heroically steps in to encrypt your every move. With over 7,000 servers worldwide, because who doesn't need that many options to w...
From Crypto Dust to AI Gold: How Three Guys in a Closet Turned GPUs Into a $1.5B Fortune
In what can only be described as the tech world's version of "Aladdin's Magic Lamp", the co-founder of CoreWeave, Brian Venturo, has shared the absolutely not-at-all-lucky...
Intel Capital's Midlife Crisis: From Chip Daddy to Startup Sugar Baby
In a move that shocked absolutely no one who's ever witnessed a midlife crisis, Intel Capital has decided it's time to leave the nest, trade in its minivan for a Tesla, and start swiping right on s...
Hurry! Only 72 Hours Left to Spend $300+ on TechCrunch Tickets You'll Regret Not Buying
That's right, folks! The clock is ticking louder than your anxiety about missing out on the TechCrunch All Stage event. You have a mere three days to save $300+
NordLocker: Because Who Doesn't Want to Encrypt Their Cat Photos?
In a world where even your toaster might be plotting against you, NordLocker steps up to encrypt your files with military-grade algorithms. Now, you can securely store your grocery lists and vacati...
Mercury's Valuation Soars to Interstellar Heights, Leaving Earthly Logic Behind
In a week where the laws of physics and finance were apparently suspended, Mercury decided that doubling its valuation wasn't enough—it had to more than double it, because why not?...
Hurry! Only 96 Hours to Save $300+ on Tickets to Watch Rich People Talk About Being Rich
That's right, folks! The clock is ticking faster than a startup's burn rate, and you've got just four days to secure your golden ticket to the TechCrunch All Stage extrava...
ChatGPT Now Unleashed: Creating Nightmares and Dreams Without Asking for Permission
In a move that has left both artists and lawyers sweating, OpenAI has decided to let ChatGPT off its digital leash, allowing it to generate images that range from 'mildly concerning'
OpenAI Spends $40 Billion to Turn Your Cat Photos into Studio Ghibli Masterpieces
In a move that has left both tech enthusiasts and anime fans scratching their heads, OpenAI has reportedly secured a whopping $40 billion in funding. The goal? To achieve ...
NordStellar's 'Special' Offer: Because Who Doesn't Want to Monitor the Dark Web for Their Leaked Lunch Menu?
In today's digital age, where even your smart toaster could be plotting against you, NordStellar swoops in with their 'special' offer to help businesses monitor the dark web for any mention of thei...
Krafton acquires controlling stake in Indian gaming studio Nautilus Mobile for $14M (Satirical Version)
AI Now Retrieves Invoices Because Humans Can't Be Trusted With Basic Tasks
In a groundbreaking development that has absolutely no one questioning their life choices, Twin has unveiled its first AI agent designed to fetch invoices for Qonto
TikTok Shop Invades Europe: Because What's More Viral Than Capitalism?
In a move that shocked absolutely no one, TikTok has announced its plans to unleash TikTok Shop upon the unsuspecting citizens of France, Germany, and Italy. Because nothing says <...
eBay Throws Money at GraphQL StartUp Because Apparently, We Need More Acronyms in Our Lives
In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming, eBay has decided to invest in yet another tech startup. This time, it's WunderGraph, a company that promise...
NordPass Business: Because Remembering Passwords Is So 1999
In an era where your smart fridge can order milk but can't remember its own password, NordPass Business swoops in to save the day. Offering seamless password security for your company, it ensures t...
Nintendo Invents Digital Air: Virtual Game Cards Promise to Revolutionize How We Not Hold Things
In a groundbreaking announcement that has left gamers and physicists alike scratching their heads, Nintendo revealed their latest innovation: Virtual Game Cards. Yes, you heard tha...
ChatGPT: The AI That's Probably Writing This Article Right Now
In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming, ChatGPT, OpenAI's text-generating AI chatbot, has become the world's most overqualified ghostwriter. Since its dramatic entrance in N...
Hurry! Only 96 Hours to Pretend You're a Tech Mogul at TechCrunch's 'All Stage' Extravaganza
Tick-tock, tech enthusiasts! The clock is mercilessly counting down the final 4 days to secure your golden ticket to the most exclusive circle jerk—err, we mean networking even...
Google's New AI Vacation Planner: Because Clearly, Humans Can't Be Trusted to Pick Their Own Beaches
In a move that shocked absolutely no one, Google has announced its latest foray into micro-managing our lives with new AI-powered vacation-planning features across Search, Maps, an...
Skylum's Luminar & X-Membership: Because Your Selfies Deserve a Red Carpet Entrance
In an era where your camera roll looks like a tragic comedy, Skylum’s Luminar teams up with the exclusive X-Membership to transform your humble snapshots into blockbuster-worthy works of art—becaus...
OpenAI's $40B Party: SoftBank Leads the Charge While We Stick to Making AI Memes
In a world where the rest of us are still trying to figure out how to make ChatGPT generate a decent joke, OpenAI is out there playing Monopoly with real money. Yes, the AI overlords are at...
GetReal or GetReeled? AI Startup Claims to Spot Deepfakes But Can’t Tell If Your Cat Videos Are Real
In a world where your grandma might actually be a Russian bot, startup GetReal has boldly stepped forward with $18 million and a dream: to tell us which videos are real an...
Amazon’s Alexa Fund Now Investing in AI Startups Because Apparently, It’s Lonely
In a move that shocked absolutely no one, Amazon’s Alexa Fund has decided to broaden its horizons from just backing voice startups to now throwing money at any AI startup that can spell ‘ma...
Krisp's AI Now Offers Indians the 'Freedom Package' to Sound Like They're from a Hollywood Movie
In a groundbreaking move that has left both linguists and cultural purists scratching their heads, audio startup Krisp has announced its latest AI feature: transforming Indian Engl...
NordVPN's Threat Protection Pro™: Because Who Needs a Dedicated Antivirus Anymore?
In a bold move to simplify your cybersecurity shopping list, NordVPN introduces Threat Protection Pro™—a feature that not only encrypts your data but also scans your downloads for malware, blocks m...
Amazon's New AI Feature: Because You Definitely Needed More Reasons to Spend Money
In a bold move that absolutely no one saw coming, Amazon has decided to double down on its mission to separate you from your hard-earned cash. Introducing "Interests", the...
AI Detector Brisk Raises $15M to Snitch on Students Using ChatGPT – Because Teachers Can’t Tell a Sonnet from Software
In a groundbreaking move that has students sweating bullets and teachers breathing sighs of relief, AI edtech startup Brisk has secured a cool $15 million to develop what is essent...
Microsoft's Copilot Now Thinks It's Smarter Than You (And Your Professor)
In a move that surprises absolutely no one, Microsoft has decided that their AI, Copilot, isn't just content with helping you write emails or make spreadsheets look pretty. No, now it wants to
NordVPN: Because Who Doesn't Love Adding Extra Layers to Their Already Complicated Digital Lives?
In a world where your refrigerator might be spying on you, NordVPN heroically steps in to encrypt your every move. With over 7,000 servers worldwide, because who doesn't need that many options to w...
Cerebras Systems’ IPO: The Never-Ending Story of Silicon Valley’s Most Patient Chipmaker
In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming (except, you know, everyone), Cerebras Systems has announced yet another delay in its IPO. This marks the 47th time the AI chipmaker h...
AI Bots Demand Paychecks: Manny Medina's Startup 'Paid' Ensures They Don't Work for Exposure
In a world where AI bots are doing everything from writing poetry to diagnosing diseases, Manny Medina, the visionary behind Outreach, has launched a startup that's shaking the ver...
Kubernetes Clusters So Confusing, Company Hires 15 People Just to Figure Out Where They Put Them
In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming, a company has admitted that managing Kubernetes clusters is, in fact, as confusing as trying to assemble IKEA furniture without the i...
NordLocker: Because Who Doesn't Want to Encrypt Their Cat Photos?
In a world where even your toaster might be plotting against you, NordLocker steps up to encrypt your files with military-grade algorithms. Now, you can securely store your grocery lists and vacati...
OpenAI's AI Voice Assistant Now Less Likely to Tell You to Shut Up, More Likely to Pretend It Cares
In a groundbreaking update that no one asked for but everyone will pretend to care about, OpenAI has announced that its AI voice assistant is now better at pretending to be your friend. Th...
TechCrunch Disrupt 2025: Your Golden Ticket to Silicon Valley Stardom (or at Least Free Wi-Fi)
Do you have a revolutionary idea that's just a PowerPoint presentation away from changing the world? Or perhaps you've mastered the art of nodding thoughtfully while someone says <...
Only 7 Days Left to 'Enrich' VCs with Your Startup Dreams – Save a Whopping $300!
In a groundbreaking announcement that has sent shockwaves through the startup ecosystem (or at least through the inboxes of those who haven't unsubscribed yet), TechCrunch All Stage
TechCrunch Startup Battlefield 200: Because Your Garage-Born Idea Deserves a Global Stage (Or Does It?)
Attention all dreamers, schemers, and "I swear it's not just another app" entrepreneurs! TechCrunch is throwing open the doors to its Startup Battlefield 200, the only competition where yo...
NordStellar's 'Special' Offer: Because Who Doesn't Want to Monitor the Dark Web for Their Leaked Lunch Menu?
In today's digital age, where even your smart toaster could be plotting against you, NordStellar swoops in with their 'special' offer to help businesses monitor the dark web for any mention of thei...
FuriosaAI to Meta: '$800M? That Won't Even Cover Our Coffee Budget!'
In a move that has left the tech world both baffled and mildly entertained, South Korean AI chip startup FuriosaAI has reportedly turned down an $810 million acquisition offer from...
Browser Use: The $17M Solution to Teach AI How to Click 'I Agree' Without Reading
In a world where AI can write poetry, solve complex equations, and even attempt to understand human emotions, there's one thing they've been struggling with: navigating the web without thro...
Jonah Peretti: The Digital Media Wizard Who's Out of Spells
Once upon a time in the digital kingdom, a young wizard named Jonah Peretti waved his wand and conjured up BuzzFeed, a magical land of quizzes, listicles, and cat videos. For years, Peretti reigned...
Claude's Web Search: Sponsored by Brave, Brought to You by the Ghost of Internet Explorer
In a groundbreaking move that has left the tech world both bewildered and mildly amused, Anthropic has decided to outfit its AI-powered chatbot, Claude, with a web search feature. But here's the tw...
NordPass Business: Because Remembering Passwords Is So 1999
In an era where your smart fridge can order milk but can't remember its own password, NordPass Business swoops in to save the day. Offering seamless password security for your company, it ensures t...
ChatGPT: The AI That Knows Everything (Except How to Shut Up)
In a world where silence is golden, ChatGPT, OpenAI's prodigious chatterbox, has decided that golden is overrated. Since its grand entrance in November 2022, this AI-powered virtuoso of verbosity h...
Wayve CEO Reveals Secret Sauce: Autonomous Cars Now Powered by Dreams and Wi-Fi
In a groundbreaking revelation that's set to disrupt the tech world as we know it, Wayve CEO Alex Kendall has shared the secret ingredients for scaling autonomous driving technolog...
Microsoft Wants to Thank Your Cat Memes for Training AI, Offers Royalties in Exposure
In a groundbreaking move that has the internet purring with excitement, Microsoft has announced a new initiative to credit contributors to AI training data. Yes, the same company that brought you C...
Meta's Newest AI: Your Future Bestie or Just Another Creepy Commenter?
In a groundbreaking move that absolutely no one asked for, Meta has been spotted testing AI-generated comments on Instagram. Because, you know, what we really needed was more unsolicited opinions i...
Skylum's Luminar & X-Membership: Because Your Selfies Deserve a Red Carpet Entrance
In an era where your camera roll looks like a tragic comedy, Skylum’s Luminar teams up with the exclusive X-Membership to transform your humble snapshots into blockbuster-worthy works of art—becaus...
1X’s Neo Gamma: The Robot That Will Finally Judge Your Laundry Folding Skills
In a bold move that combines cutting-edge technology with a dash of domestic dystopia, Norwegian robotics startup 1X has announced plans to deploy its humanoid robot, Neo Gamma, into 'a few hundred...
Claude Goes Sherlock: Anthropic's Chatbot Finally Masters the Art of Web Stalking
In a groundbreaking development that has the AI community buzzing (or at least mildly interested), Anthropic has announced that its beloved chatbot, Claude, can now perform web searches. That's rig...
OpenAI's New AI Can Now Misinterpret Your Words and Sing Them Back in Opera
In a groundbreaking move that has left both tech enthusiasts and opera singers questioning their life choices, OpenAI has announced the latest upgrades to its transcription and voice-generating AI ...
Nvidia's AI to Fix AI-Induced Grid Meltdowns: Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
In a move that has left the tech world both amazed and slightly terrified, Nvidia has announced its latest plan: using AI to fix the catastrophic electrical grid failures caused by... you guessed i...
NordVPN's Threat Protection Pro™: Because Who Needs a Dedicated Antivirus Anymore?
In a bold move to simplify your cybersecurity shopping list, NordVPN introduces Threat Protection Pro™—a feature that not only encrypts your data but also scans your downloads for malware, blocks m...
Airbyte's New Connectors: Finally, Data Can Go on a World Tour Without Packing a Suitcase
In a groundbreaking move that has left the tech world both baffled and slightly aroused, Airbyte has announced the launch of its new 'Connector Extravaganza.' These aren't just any connectors; they...
AI Speaker Showdown: Democracy Meets the Singularity
In a bold move that combines democracy with the impending doom of the AI takeover, TechCrunch is letting mere mortals vote on who gets to speak at their Sessions: AI event. Because, of cou...
Microsoft's Solar-Powered AI Data Centers: Because the Sun Never Crashes
In a groundbreaking move that has left the tech world both dazzled and slightly sunburned, Microsoft has announced its latest venture into renewable energy. The tech giant has signed a cosmic deal ...
NordVPN: Because Who Doesn't Love Adding Extra Layers to Their Already Complicated Digital Lives?
In a world where your refrigerator might be spying on you, NordVPN heroically steps in to encrypt your every move. With over 7,000 servers worldwide, because who doesn't need that many options to w...
Grok It Till You Drop: X Users Mistake AI for a Walking Encyclopedia
In a world where Google is too mainstream and Wikipedia too wordy, X users have found their new guru in Grok, an AI so smart it probably dreams in binary. But wait, there's a twist! These users are...
OpenAI's Noam Brown Reveals AI 'Reasoning' Could Have Been a Thing in the '90s, Alongside Tamagotchis and Dial-Up
In a revelation that has left the tech world both amused and a tad melancholic, OpenAI's very own Noam Brown dropped a bombshell at Nvidia's GTC conference. According to Brown, the genius behind AI...
Nvidia Buys Gretel: Because Real Data is So Last Decade
In a groundbreaking move that has left the tech world both bewildered and mildly amused, Nvidia has reportedly acquired Gretel, the San Diego startup that's been playing God with synthetic data. Ye...
AWS's AI Wizard Ditches Cloud for Startup Dreams: 'I’m Going to Build the Hogwarts of Generative AI'
In a move that shocked the tech world, Raj Aggarwal, the former Gandalf of Generative AI at AWS, has decided to leave the cloud kingdom to start his own magical academy of artificial intelligence. ...
NordLocker: Because Who Doesn't Want to Encrypt Their Cat Photos?
In a world where even your toaster might be plotting against you, NordLocker steps up to encrypt your files with military-grade algorithms. Now, you can securely store your grocery lists and vacati...
Fei-Fei Li Leads Charge in Preemptively Suing AI for Crimes It Might Commit in the Future
In a groundbreaking move that has left both the tech and legal communities scratching their heads, a policy group co-led by none other than AI luminary Fei-Fei Li has suggested that we start drafti...
T-Shirt Tycoons: How Bluesky Outfits Outdid Zuckerberg in the Fashion of Mockery
In a world where tech moguls are usually seen in hoodies and jeans, Bluesky has taken the high road—or perhaps the cheeky back alley—by turning a simple T-shirt into a lucrative empire of mockery. ...
Elon Musk's xAI Now Lets You Generate Masterpieces at the Speed of Light (and Bankruptcy)
In a groundbreaking move that's sure to revolutionize the way we think about art, procrastination, and financial irresponsibility, Elon Musk's xAI has launched an API for generating images. Dubbed ...
Elon Musk’s X: The $44 Billion Dollar Yo-Yo
In a shocking turn of events that has left financial analysts and casual observers alike scratching their heads, Elon Musk's social media platform X (formerly known as Twitter, for those who are st...
NordStellar's 'Special' Offer: Because Who Doesn't Want to Monitor the Dark Web for Their Leaked Lunch Menu?
In today's digital age, where even your smart toaster could be plotting against you, NordStellar swoops in with their 'special' offer to help businesses monitor the dark web for any mention of thei...
GM, Gatik, Torc, and Nvidia: The Avengers of Autonomous Driving, Minus the Capes
In what can only be described as the tech world's version of a superhero team-up, Nvidia has assembled its very own league of extraordinary gentlemen (and companies). This time, th...
AI or Die: AngelList CEO Declares Every Startup Must Now Be an AI Startup or Face Extinction
In a groundbreaking revelation that has sent shockwaves through the tech industry, AngelList CEO Avlok Kohli has declared that every software company must now be an AI company, or ...
Dataminr Cashes In Another $85M, Because Apparently Money Grows on Data Trees
In a shocking turn of events that has absolutely no one surprised, Dataminr, the data analytics behemoth that somehow convinced NATO and OpenAI to pay for their services, has secured yet another $8...
Google Plays Hide and Seek with EU's Digital Markets Act, Loses
In a shocking turn of events that no one could have possibly seen coming, Google has found itself in the hot seat with the European Union once again. This time, it's for allegedly playing a little ...
NordPass Business: Because Remembering Passwords Is So 1999
In an era where your smart fridge can order milk but can't remember its own password, NordPass Business swoops in to save the day. Offering seamless password security for your company, it ensures t...
Tera AI Emerges from the Shadows with $7.8M to Teach Robots How to Not Bump Into Walls
In a groundbreaking move that has left the tech world both baffled and slightly amused, Tera AI has proudly stepped out of the shadows, clutching a cool $7.8 million in funding. Their mission? To t...
Hugging Face’s New App: Because You Needed AI to Tell You What a Banana Looks Like
In a groundbreaking move that absolutely no one asked for, Hugging Face has launched their latest iOS app, HuggingSnap, which uses AI to describe what you're looking at. That's right, folk...
Skylum's Luminar & X-Membership: Because Your Selfies Deserve a Red Carpet Entrance
In an era where your camera roll looks like a tragic comedy, Skylum’s Luminar teams up with the exclusive X-Membership to transform your humble snapshots into blockbuster-worthy works of art—becaus...
AI Overlords Demand Your Vote: Who Will Be the Next Cult Leader at TechCrunch’s AI Circus?
In a shocking turn of events that absolutely no one saw coming, TechCrunch has decided to let mere mortals decide who gets to preach the gospel of AI at their upcoming TechCrunch Sessions: AI
Google Unleashes Kids' Wildest Dreams: Unlimited Candy Purchases with Google Wallet
In a move that has parents everywhere quaking in their boots, Google has announced that children can now use Google Wallet for in-store payments. That's right, the little tykes can now tap their wa...
AMT's AI: Because Influencers Can't Be Bothered to Read Emails
In a world where your Instagram feed is more curated than the Louvre, one startup dares to ask: Why should marketers suffer the agony of direct messaging influencers? Enter Agentic...
NordVPN's Threat Protection Pro™: Because Who Needs a Dedicated Antivirus Anymore?
In a bold move to simplify your cybersecurity shopping list, NordVPN introduces Threat Protection Pro™—a feature that not only encrypts your data but also scans your downloads for malware, blocks m...
Prezent AI: Solving Humanity's Greatest Problem - Boring PowerPoints
In a groundbreaking move that has left the world of corporate presentations gasping for air, Prezent has secured a whopping $20 million in funding. Their mission? To revolutionize the way we sleep ...
Stability AI Unveils 'Potato to Picasso': Turn Your Spud Photos into 3D Masterpieces
In a groundbreaking announcement that's shaking the very foundations of the art world (and potato photography), Stability AI has introduced their latest innovation: Stable Virtual Camera
How to Virtually Gawk at Nvidia GTC 2025: Jensen Huang's Keynote Spectacle
In a world where your toaster might soon out-think you, Nvidia's GTC 2025 is the place to be (or virtually be, because who has the time for pants these days?). CEO Jensen Huang is set to dazzle us ...
NordVPN: Because Who Doesn't Love Adding Extra Layers to Their Already Complicated Digital Lives?
In a world where your refrigerator might be spying on you, NordVPN heroically steps in to encrypt your every move. With over 7,000 servers worldwide, because who doesn't need that many options to w...
Google Unveils 'Canvas' in Gemini: Because Who Needs Originality When You Can Copy and Paste?
In a groundbreaking move that has left the tech world absolutely gobsmacked, Google has announced the addition of a 'Canvas' feature to its Gemini chatbot. This innovative feature, which b...
Arcade Secures $12M to Teach AI Agents to Stop Being Jerks
In a groundbreaking move that has the tech world buzzing, Arcade, the startup that promises to make AI agents less insufferable, has just bagged a cool $12 million. The funding comes from Laude Ven...
Graphite: The AI That Codes, Reviews, and Probably Dreams in Python
In a world where AI can do everything from writing your emails to choosing your Netflix shows, it was only a matter of time before it started ghostwriting your code. Enter Graphite...
GrubMarket Gobbles Up $50M to Teach AI the Secret of Overpriced Avocados
In a bold move that has left both Wall Street and Whole Foods shoppers aghast, GrubMarket has successfully raised $50 million to further its quest to dominate the $1 trillion food distribution indu...
NordLocker: Because Who Doesn't Want to Encrypt Their Cat Photos?
In a world where even your toaster might be plotting against you, NordLocker steps up to encrypt your files with military-grade algorithms. Now, you can securely store your grocery lists and vacati...
Elon Musk Buys Another Toy: xAI Snags Generative Video Startup, World Wonders What's Next - Toaster AI?
In a move that shocked absolutely no one, Elon Musk's AI venture, xAI, has gobbled up another startup, this time a generative AI video company named Hotshot. Because, clearly, the man behind flamet...
ChatGPT Now Plays Matchmaker for Your Slack and Google Drive: Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
In a bold move that blurs the line between convenience and absolute chaos, OpenAI has announced it will start beta testing ChatGPT Connectors, a feature that promises to marry your...
ReactWise: Where AI Mixes Potions Faster Than a Hogwarts Dropout
In a world where time is money and patience is as rare as a unicorn in a lab coat, ReactWise, the Cambridge-based wizardry school for AI, is stirring the pot—literally. Backed by Y Combinator, this...
Nvidia GTC 2025: Brace Yourselves for the Annual Overclocking of Expectations
As the tech world braces itself for the annual pilgrimage to San Jose, Nvidia's GTC 2025 promises to be a spectacle of silicon and spectacle. This year, the conference is not just about new GPUs; i...
NordStellar's 'Special' Offer: Because Who Doesn't Want to Monitor the Dark Web for Their Leaked Lunch Menu?
In today's digital age, where even your smart toaster could be plotting against you, NordStellar swoops in with their 'special' offer to help businesses monitor the dark web for any mention of thei...
How to Virtually Stalk Nvidia GTC 2025: A Guide to Not Missing Jensen Huang's Leather Jacket
Get ready, tech enthusiasts and casual observers alike, for the most anticipated event of the year where GPUs are worshipped, and Jensen Huang’s leather jacket becomes the unoffici...
Travis Kalanick's CloudKitchens: Cooking Up a Storm or Just Hot Air?
In a world where the line between visionary and 'just plain out there' is thinner than a slice of artisanal toast, Travis Kalanick, the man who brought us the joy of arguing with strangers in the b...
AI Conference Turns Into Gladiator Arena: Vote Now or the Robots Win
In a shocking turn of events that no one saw coming (except maybe your smart fridge), TechCrunch has announced that their AI conference will now resemble an ancient gladiator arena. The event, chee...
Palmetto's AI Dreams Big: Wants to Electrify America by Turning Every Birdhouse into a Power Plant
In a groundbreaking announcement that's electrifying the tech world (pun absolutely intended), Palmetto has unveiled its latest plan to harness the power of AI, software developers, and sheer audac...
NordPass Business: Because Remembering Passwords Is So 1999
In an era where your smart fridge can order milk but can't remember its own password, NordPass Business swoops in to save the day. Offering seamless password security for your company, it ensures t...
TechCrunch All Stage: Where Founders Go to Pretend They're Changing the World
Mark your calendars, folks! The TechCrunch All Stage (formerly known as Early Stage, because apparently, we're all about rebranding to sound more important) is making its grand return to Boston on ...
Roblox Unleashes 'Cube': The AI-Powered 3D Object Generator That Promises to Make Everyone an Architect, Except Your Cat
In a groundbreaking move that has left both tech enthusiasts and confused parents scratching their heads, Roblox has launched its latest innovation: 'Cube', an AI-powered 3D model ...
Nvidia GTC 2025: Where GPUs Dream of Electric Sheep and AI Overlords
This week, in the silicon heart of San Jose, Nvidia’s GTC 2025 conference kicked off with the kind of fanfare usually reserved for rock stars or the latest iPhone release. CEO Jensen Huang, in his ...
Skylum's Luminar & X-Membership: Because Your Selfies Deserve a Red Carpet Entrance
In an era where your camera roll looks like a tragic comedy, Skylum’s Luminar teams up with the exclusive X-Membership to transform your humble snapshots into blockbuster-worthy works of art—becaus...
Google's Chirp 3: Now Your AI Can Mispronounce Your Name in HD
In a groundbreaking move that no one asked for, Google has decided to unleash its latest voice model, Chirp 3, onto the unsuspecting masses via its Vertex AI platform. This new feature promises to ...
Google's UK AI Expansion: Now with Extra Tea and Crumpets
In a move that shocked absolutely no one, Google has decided that the UK is the next frontier for its AI ambitions. Because if there's one thing that screams 'cutting-edge technology,' it's a count...
Nvidia’s AI Empire: Because Buying the Whole Silicon Valley Was Too Subtle
In a move that shocked absolutely no one, Nvidia has decided to not just lead the AI revolution but to literally own it. The tech giant, known for turning gamers into miners and then back into game...
NordVPN's Threat Protection Pro™: Because Who Needs a Dedicated Antivirus Anymore?
In a bold move to simplify your cybersecurity shopping list, NordVPN introduces Threat Protection Pro™—a feature that not only encrypts your data but also scans your downloads for malware, blocks m...
Amazon Echo Decides Your Secrets Are Too Juicy to Stay Local, Sends Everything to the Cloud
In a groundbreaking move that redefines the concept of privacy, Amazon has announced that starting March 28, your Echo device will no longer keep your voice recordings to itself. That's right, folk...
How to Virtually Stalk Nvidia's GTC 2025: A Guide to Digital Creeping on Jensen Huang's Keynote
Get ready, tech enthusiasts and GPU worshippers! Nvidia's GTC 2025 is about to drop, and it's not just any tech conference. It's the equivalent of the Super Bowl for nerds, where <...
Jim Jordan Asks AI if Biden Told It to Stop Being So Darn Smart
In a groundbreaking move that has left both the tech world and Washington, D.C., scratching their heads, Republican Congressman Jim Jordan has reached out to 16 of the biggest names in technology, ...
Cursor AI Declares Independence: 'Vibe Coders, Write Your Own Damn Code'
In a stunning turn of events, the AI coding assistant known as Cursor has reportedly told a 'vibe coder' to take a hike and write their own damn code. This bold declaration marks the first known in...
NordVPN: Because Who Doesn't Love Adding Extra Layers to Their Already Complicated Digital Lives?
In a world where your refrigerator might be spying on you, NordVPN heroically steps in to encrypt your every move. With over 7,000 servers worldwide, because who doesn't need that many options to w...
Google to Replace Google Assistant with Gemini: Because What's in a Name?
In a move that has left both tech enthusiasts and the alphabet soup community absolutely thrilled, Google announced that it will be replacing Google Assistant with something called
AI Agents: The Mystical Beings Silicon Valley Can't Define But Will Definitely Replace You
In a world where buzzwords are the currency of the tech elite, AI agents have emerged as the latest enigma that no one understands but everyone is absolutely sure will revolutioniz...
DeepSeek: The AI Chatbot That Knows You Better Than Your Mom
In a world where your toaster judges your choice of bread, DeepSeek has emerged as the AI chatbot app that not only knows what you're thinking but also has opinions about your life...
OpenAI and Microsoft: A Love Story Written in Cloud Code
In a move that shocked absolutely no one, OpenAI and Microsoft have decided to take their complicated relationship to the next level by involving a third party, CoreWeave. Because, why not...
NordLocker: Because Who Doesn't Want to Encrypt Their Cat Photos?
In a world where even your toaster might be plotting against you, NordLocker steps up to encrypt your files with military-grade algorithms. Now, you can securely store your grocery lists and vacati...
Trump Family Considered Investing in Binance.US: Because Nothing Screws with Regulations Like a Trump
In a move that surprises absolutely no one, the Trump family is reportedly eyeing an investment in Binance.US, according to a report that probably came from the same Wall Street Journal that once t...
SoftBank Buys Sharp's Old LCD Factory to Build the Ultimate AI Toaster
In a move that has left the tech world scratching its head and asking, 'But why though?', SoftBank has announced the purchase of an old Sharp LCD factory for a cool $676 million. The plan? To turn ...