Hurry! Only 96 Hours to Pretend You're a Tech Mogul at TechCrunch's 'All Stage' Extravaganza

Tick-tock, tech enthusiasts! The clock is mercilessly counting down the final 4 days to secure your golden ticket to the most exclusive circle jerk—err, we mean networking event—of the year: TechCrunch All Stage. That's right, you have a scant 96 hours to lock in your chance to save a whopping $300+ on passes that will allow you to rub elbows with the kind of people who describe their breakfast as 'disruptive.'

Imagine it: July 15, at the SoWa Power Station in Boston (because nothing says 'innovation' like a converted industrial space), where 1,200 founders and VCs will gather to talk in hushed tones about 'scaling from seed' and 'leveraging synergies.' It's like Comic-Con, but instead of cosplay, everyone's dressed in Patagonia vests and Allbirds, pretending to understand blockchain.

Here's what your Founder or Investor Pass gets you:

• Access to panels with titles like 'The Future of AI: Just More Chatbots?' and 'Is Web3 Still a Thing?'
• The rare opportunity to pitch your 'Uber, but for cats' idea to investors who will nod thoughtfully while mentally drafting their 'pass' email.
• Complimentary artisanal, gluten-free, keto-friendly, non-GMO, vegan water (hydration is key when you're pivoting).

Don't miss out on this chance to be part of the tech bubble's most glamorous echo chamber. Remember, these savings vanish faster than your startup's runway after you hired that 'growth hacker.' Act now—because nothing spells FOMO like watching someone else Instagram their 'life-changing' encounter with a VC who definitely won't remember their name tomorrow.