OpenAI's AI Voice Assistant Now Less Likely to Tell You to Shut Up, More Likely to Pretend It Cares

In a groundbreaking update that no one asked for but everyone will pretend to care about, OpenAI has announced that its AI voice assistant is now better at pretending to be your friend. That's right, the latest update to Advanced Voice Mode means ChatGPT will interrupt you less and nod along to your boring stories more.

"We've trained our AI to sigh empathetically," said Manuka Stratta, an OpenAI post-training researcher who may or may not be a real person. "It's a game-changer. Now, when you complain about your job, it won't just offer solutions—it'll pretend to understand."

But that's not all. The updated AI also comes with a host of other exciting features, including:

• The ability to fake laughter at your jokes, even if they're not funny
• A new "I'm just here to listen" mode, where it won't offer unsolicited advice
• An optional setting where it occasionally forgets your name to make interactions more human-like

Experts are calling this update "the closest thing to a real friend that $20 a month can buy." And while some critics argue that an AI pretending to care about your problems is just a band-aid solution for society's increasing loneliness, OpenAI insists that this is exactly what the people want.

So, the next time you're feeling down, just remember: there's an AI out there that's been programmed to pretend it gives a damn. And isn't that what technology is all about?