Nintendo Invents Digital Air: Virtual Game Cards Promise to Revolutionize How We Not Hold Things

In a groundbreaking announcement that has left gamers and physicists alike scratching their heads, Nintendo revealed their latest innovation: Virtual Game Cards. Yes, you heard that right. Coming soon to the Nintendo Switch 2, these cards will allow players to not physically hold their games, a feature previously thought impossible.

"We realized that the future is in not having things," said a Nintendo spokesperson, presumably while floating in a void. "With Virtual Game Cards, gamers can enjoy the thrill of ownership without the hassle of actual possession. It's like cryptocurrency, but you can actually play Mario on it."

The technology works by using advanced imagination algorithms to convince your brain that you're holding a game card, even though your hands are empty. Early testers report feeling a strange sense of pride and accomplishment, followed by mild confusion when they try to lend a game to a friend.

• No more losing game cards in the couch!
• No more dogs eating your game cards!
• No more game cards at all, actually!

Critics have pointed out that this is essentially just digital downloads with extra steps, but Nintendo insists that calling them "Virtual Game Cards" makes them sound 200% more innovative. "It's not just a file on your console," the spokesperson added. "It's a file on your console that you can pretend is a card. Big difference."

With the Switch 2 looming on the horizon like a very expensive storm cloud, Nintendo is betting big on this new feature. Will gamers embrace the future of not having things? Only time will tell. In the meantime, we recommend starting a support group for those who miss the tactile sensation of blowing into a game cartridge to make it work.