Google's New AI Vacation Planner: Because Clearly, Humans Can't Be Trusted to Pick Their Own Beaches

In a move that shocked absolutely no one, Google has announced its latest foray into micro-managing our lives with new AI-powered vacation-planning features across Search, Maps, and Gemini. Because nothing says "relaxing getaway" like letting an algorithm decide whether you're more of a 'beach person' or a 'mountain person' based on your search history.

The features, which Google insists are "totally not a response to people using ChatGPT to plan their trips," include AI Overviews that will now aggressively suggest destinations you never asked for. "Why settle for the boring old Florida coast when you could be exploring the undiscovered beaches of... wherever our AI hallucinates next?" a Google spokesperson mused.

Google Maps is getting in on the action too, with a new feature that automatically reroutes you to 'more scenic' paths. "Who needs efficiency when you can have an impromptu tour of every roadside attraction between here and your hotel?" the spokesperson added, presumably while sipping artisanal coffee in a Silicon Valley cafe.

But the real pièce de résistance is Gemini's new "Vacation Personality Assessment", which uses machine learning to determine your ideal trip based on factors like your most frequently used emojis and how often you complain about work on social media. Early testers reported mixed results, with one user noting, "It suggested I go on a silent retreat in Nepal. I just wanted to know where to get good tacos in Cancun."

In related news, travel agencies across the globe have announced they're pivoting to careers in AI resistance training, teaching humans how to make decisions without the help of their digital overlords. "It's a growth industry," one optimistic entrepreneur noted.